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Thriving One Podcast- Episode 14

How do you feel when someone else truly understands what you are going through? You would feel that you are not alone right? This is one of the powers of empathy.  Empathy is more than being concerned or sympathizing. Empathy is stepping into the shoes of another with the intention of better understanding or feeling what they are experiencing. It’s like walking a mile in a person’s shoes. Tune in as we talk about the Power of Empathy and how you will build it.

In this podcast episode:

We want to jump in and just share with you guys what's coming up and what's going on, we got some exciting stuff happening.

  • The first week of September, every year, we will launch our programs. We have two main themes of programs. One is a Personal Development Program. And the other one is Advanced Leadership Program.
  • The Personal Development Program is called Kingdomized One, it runs for six months, and its goal is to focus on helping individuals grow in every area of their life. You can see testimonies and more details on that on our website.
  • The advanced leadership programs, which are twofold. One is coaching. So if you’re interested in coaching, or if you want to upgrade your leadership, progress. We’re doing that and it will start soon. But we started actually with our Kingdomized One when programs were part of the coaching. There’s also a prerequisite where we do like a form of counseling we call it Life consulting. Basically, it’s just helping people that feel like they’re trapped in cycles, or need to do some inner work, inner healing and heart work. We actually train people to do that. And, if you’re looking for coaching, one-on-one coaching or consulting or counseling, you can also find it on our website. We would love to support you. So what’s going on? Ben? I know like
  • We highly recommend our programs especially if you are also looking for a community that you can grow with. We’ve had some great success stories from our students who have graduated. And if you’re not following us yet on Instagram, and Facebook, please do so we have our testimonies there.
  • Also, the Coil Coaching Women wherein we are going to be having another online gathering in August, which is this month. It’s going to be August 26, which is on a Friday 530 to 7:30pm, California, USA time. So if you’re in Asia, that means Saturday morning, and good news for the Europeans. I know you’ve been emailing me and I see you, I hear you. We are working on another time slot to kind of alternate our online gathering, you know, doing it on one of the days and times where you can actually make it and it’s not midnight over there. So yeah, so be looking out for that. We hear you. We see you. And then obviously I am excited to have our first coaching women in person retreats. That’s exciting. It’s, yeah, I’ve been dreaming with God and I’m putting together a team. It’s going to be exciting. It’s going to be a time of reset refreshing, recalibrating all the hours that you can. But it’s coming up on October 21 and 22nd. So if you can save the date that I’m working out, we’re working out all the other details and we will make sure that we will give you the details soon.

The Power of Empathy

There is so much strength and power in the community. And one of the things, as we were praying about, like what to discuss in one of our podcasts is the topic of empathy actually came up a while back, along with the topic of belonging that we were discussing. So, today, I want to, you know, we want to dig in deeper, more of like, an open conversation between Matt and I. And obviously, as you’re watching this, we want to invite you to participate in the conversation as well, whether you’re by yourself, you’re taking notes, or you’re watching this with someone, and you can pause the video and you can talk about empathy.

  • When you hear the word empathy, it really goes beyond concern or sympathy.
  • Empathy is like stepping into the shoes of another with the intention to better understand and feel what they are experiencing.
  • It’s more than just like, I sympathize with you, it’s actually like walking a mile in the person’s shoes.
  • It is expressed in our choice to be fully present
  • Knowing that at least one person gets what I’m going through, is the gift of empathy.
  • There’s the power of empathy, which can bridge our us versus them perceptions, and lead to new solutions, improve relationships, better strategies for social change, and reduction in loneliness, and the realization of our shared human needs and oneness.

1. How do you feel when someone else truly understands what you are going through?

  • I think that that feeling of relatability, this feeling of support is really happening. I think I feel that I’m not alone. There’s a huge thing especially if we’re talking about a hard situation, or a difficult situation.
  • It is like walking in our shoes but feeling not alone.It’s an incredible feeling knowing that someone understands you even though he is not going through it.
  • Empathy is withness. And not just with them, but leaning into feeling what they’re feeling.

2. What helps you understand when you think about empathy? What helps you understand what someone else is experiencing, or feeling?

  • It’s a bit of a mindset shift that I’m connecting with “where you’re at?” more than “where I’m at?”.
  • I’m connecting with “where you’re at”, it takes a lot of skill to be able to do that, especially in marriage, in relationships.
  • So the activation of empathy is to create and maintain connection.
  • One of the biggest hindrances to being connected to someone is when you’re triggered with remembering past pains
  • It’s not about being perfect. It’s about growing together. Empathy is all about relating to one another and connecting with one another.

3. What are the couple of things that you do, in order to get from that triggered state into the state of being fully present?

  • The key thing is when our emotions tell us so much. If we’re heightened into frustration, anger, or sad, or anxious, emotional state, we’re at a place where we can’t be present with one another. So that’s what they call triggering.
  • Be aware that it will do more damage and take a break.
  • Have a self assessment of what’s going on and what you need. It’s all depending on the situation, how you approach each thing, because a trigger is a reminder of a painful or traumatic experience in your life.
  • Connect with yourself, and practice empathy with yourself.
  • Acknowledge and validate what you’re experiencing right now. Then, encourage and show compassion over yourself. Be with yourself.
  • Have the baseline of peace so that you can act in clarity to connect and show empathy, and compassion with others.
  • Remember to “Hash it out”. We do need a break.Being aware that intensity doesn’t help and get back to a baseline of peace. Take a step back and actually empathize. Disagreement that’s not going anywhere. For me, that’s a part of my process. So what I do is when we take a break, I go to my room, and I continue the conversation within myself. I engage with my spirit, soul and body. It’s an ongoing conversation with myself and with God. As soon as you accept yourself, you’ll feel in a place of peace and be more productive.

4. How do you build empathy?

  • Start challenging your own prejudices. It not just because you firmly believe in something doesn’t mean it’s the only right way. Learn to speak to individuals rather than in a group.
  • To empathize with people is to see them for who they are and to be with them.
  • Slay down the prejudice and see the people with the eyes of love and kindness.
  • Search for two things that you share with someone and use that commonality to connect with that person.

Quotes to ponder:

Empathy is like stepping into the shoes of another with the intention to better understand and feel what they are experiencing.
Lindsay Coil
Coil Coaching
There's more that connects us than that separates us.
Thriving One Podcast
Ep. 14
You're in a triggered state, you need to go and be with yourself and process it out.
Thriving One Podcast
Ep 14
Empathy is "withness". Not just with them, but leaning into feeling what they're feeling.
Matt Coil
Coil Coaching

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