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Thriving One Podcast- Episode 11

What is “Belonging”? This is something in my heart and this is the reason why I started and launch Coil Coaching Women, to spread the culture of belongingness among women around the world. “Belonging” is one of the basic human needs. As human beings, we are happier and healthier when we feel we belong. Without it, our self-concept is greatly affected. It is crucial to our lives like love, acceptance, satisfaction, fulfillment, etc. In this video, we will talk more about what belonging is and how important it is. We hope that this video will invite you to explore where and how you would feel a sense of belonging and what kind of impact that has on you.

In this podcast episode:

We want you to hear what's coming up and what's going on.

  • But well, first and foremost, coil coaching women. It’s been growing, and I love all the engagements and the happenings within the group. We will have so we’ve been meeting online so far since March. And so I’ve always had a heart to do some in person gatherings. So we will have our first one here in Redding, California. So excited. So any surrounding areas, you know, I’ve already had people say that they’re from Sacramento, San Francisco, and Oregon there wanting to come .Yes, I’m so excited. So if you’re driving distance, it’s going to be on July 8, from 6 to 8pm. And more information will be given out in a few, a few days. And we will also still have our online gathering this month in July, which will be on July 22. And so more information will go out then as well. So, yeah, so we’ve grown to having 285 women representing 30 nations. Yeah. Wow. So if you want to join us, you know, you can check out coil Oor go find us on Facebook, it’s a Facebook group, and you can just type in coaching women, and join in there.
  • So we have two major programs. One is a personal development program called Kingdomized one. And there we also have coaching and consulting, life consulting programs that we run, so we train people to be coaches and our life consultants. What’s a life consultant? It’s more on the counseling side, so that that spectrum is more of helping people in the area of transformation in life change on the level. Will it be up now or, or it’ll be in the next week on our website, the details for that, but it’s launching in September. So that’s exciting.

So let's jump into our topic.

This episode talks about belongingness, its importance and how do you experience it?
It is identified as a basic human need. As human beings, we are happier and healthier when we feel when we belong. Because when that belonging lacks, it affects our self concept and our ability to experience fulfillment.

1. How do you define belonging & how do you experience it?

  • Belongingness is the human emotional need to be accepted and accepted as a member of a group whether it is family, friends, co workers, our religion or something else.

  • The key is emotional need and acceptance. It encompasses love and compassion. Those are really great keys

  • The reality is, people are looking for compassion. They’re looking for connection. They’re looking for acceptance. What’s damaging is being in an environment, be it your family environment, be it social environment, in a work environment, where there is not that sense of acceptance, if you’re causing that effect, or if you’re staying in a place, that’s not helpful.

  • Acceptance is one of the key element experiences of love. And when Christ gave us the great commandment to love God, and love others, as you love yourself, like that covers all laws that were put out in through scripture.

  • Acceptance is pretty simple to say, but it goes deep. Because acceptance means being accepted for who you are. Not having to adjust so much of who you are in order to become a part of a group.

  • The key word there “is being accepted”.

  • It’s a human emotional need. Like, there’s the emotional need to be accepted. It’s a part of actual soul care.

  • So we see it all throughout history in the positive and the negative, that people longing to belong.

  • We all have this innate need to experience connection and I believe that’s why God created us is one of the core reasons why God created us.

  • Some people tend to have an inherent desire to belong, and be an important part of something greater than themselves

2. Why is belonging so important?

  • Because, you know, a sense of belonging is crucial to our life, satisfaction or fulfillment, I would say, happiness within our mental and physical health, and even longevity.

  • It gives us a sense of purpose and meaning

  • Research has shown that loss of belonging has been associated with stress, illness, and decreased well being and even depression.

  • it goes back to that basic need, that need isn’t being met. Then there’s this breakdown that happens psychologically, motivationally. 

  • There’s something powerful behind people coming together around a cause. And going after it together and supporting one another, there’s so much life that’s given in that space.

  • It’s also key to understand that, going back to the definition of belongingness, is that it is a need and it is not just a want
    In a way, you know, community and belongingness can also bring pain, right, but in a way that your healing will also come in belongingness and community.

  • This topic of belongingness is also really important, especially when we started the Coil Coaching Women. And right now, we’re in the middle and finishing up with our mentoring group that I’m doing in here in the heart of God. Yeah. And it has created this sense of belongingness, where we’re all going after something, we’re all hungry for something, but we’re all you know, like, different parts of our lives, different, different aspects of our lives, different ages. And, you know, we have about 30 people in that group. 32 people in eight different nations, right, so, so yeah, so it’s like belongingness is also not just a common goal, but also the acceptance that we play a different part. Yes. Like, we’re a body with different members.

3. What is the feeling of not belonging called?

  • I’ve come to look at it as a strange myth, like, a strange myth, you know, is the feeling that you don’t belong especially when you’re surrounded with other people because this is the thing that’s like, I’m a part of a community, but at the same time, you feel estranged.

  • The feeling of being estranged is therefore your human emotion, you don’t belong, and even when you’re surrounded by other people.
    You know, what an estranged person feels? It is like you are in a community or you are in a structure like, family community, friend group, and still can feel that you don’t belong.

  • When you talk about the emotional side of things, you feel the loneliness, you’re gonna feel sadness. That’s where you start dipping into depression, when that need is not being met consistently. You’re not in that space.

4. How do we put BELONGING into practice? What are some of the practical tools that we can do?

So the first one that I love doing is checking in with people.

  • I’ve learned that whenever God puts someone in my heart, like, even if it’s not something like I didn’t have a dream, I didn’t don’t need to have a dream. If your name pops up in my heart, or your face, you know, that’s my cue. I take that as a hint from God or from myself. To check in on them.

  • Sometimes it’s as simple as, Oh, hey, I’m thinking about you. Hope you’re doing well. Would love to catch up? Or how are you doing?

  • People feel the greatest sense of belonging when leaders, if you’re a leader, friends, family, coworkers, and bosses, check in with them, whether it’s personal, personally, or professionally.

  • Some people have a higher awareness and need for community connection.

  • Give people a voice who are feeling ignored. So this takes a lot of awareness.

  • Acceptance is in the form of an invitation.

  • Love is creating a space for mutual love and compassion to be experienced.

  • The other way that you can do it too is ask for input. Asking for input can be so simple and so powerful.

  • Create a vacuum for people to come into.

  • For your team members, regardless of what their position is, in the team, each person is a unique individual, and they have unique experiences, and therefore they also have unique wisdom.

Celebrate unique identity

  • Because people feel proud to be a part of a community or workplace or work for a company that has a positive culture and a culture of celebration where they can be themselves. 

  • Celebration is key, in our own journey for ourselves, and in what we do, for others, and with others, it’s like, like people want to, people want to belong to the space of hope.

  • People want to belong to a space where there’s courage being delivered, or are put out there or demonstrated or inviting them into.

  • Celebration is a part of seeing, and it helps get your eyes off of yourself, which is an important space. Right to see those around you.

Quotes to ponder:

The reality is, people are looking for compassion. They're looking for connection. They're looking for acceptance.
Lindsay Coil
Coil Coaching
Acceptance is pretty simple to say, but it goes deep. Because acceptance means being accepted for who you are.
Thriving One Podcast
Ep. 11
As human beings, we are happier and healthier when we feel we belong.
Thriving One Podcast
Ep 11
Acceptance is in the form of an invitation.
Matt Coil
Coil Coaching

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